Shaving the Niyog 

2022

Medium: performance, video, installation, brass, coconut, painted rocking horse, casted aluminum bolo-tie, Filipino textiles.  

Living in the world as a trans, queer, Filipino-American man, I find myself picking and choosing how to express myself in different situations and spaces. I hold back complex aspects of my being because it does not “fit” into other parts of society’s expectations of my identity. Sometimes I do not feel “Filipino enough”, “American enough”, alienated from some queer spaces, or not “man enough” because of my transness. Not only does this make me feel rejected from other parts of myself and communities, it also makes me feel like I could be in danger in spaces that I should consider safe and filled with family. 

Each element in this performance plays with all aspects of my being. My Filipino heritage is represented with the use of a coconut grater I fabricated out of brass attached to a rocking horse, inspired by the traditional coconut graters used in the Philippines. This version is not only a tool, but is a toy to play with adorned in traditionally inspired patterns. In contrast there is an image of me at three years old on a rocking horse filled with joy to just play, unaware yet of how others perceive me. I was put in a dress that I would come to be uncomfortable with once I understood that was not my gender expression. Modern day, I manifest my gender expression through the symbol of a cowboy, seen as the epitome of masculinity and what it means to be a man in American society. The styling of the cowboy outfit is a nod to historical queer culture including leather and the hankey code. In this present day performance I am now able to be myself and recapture the spirit of play. 

During the performance, I utilize all of these elements to perform my identity in a literal sense that the audience can see and participate in by inviting onlookers to sit and experience a traditional coconut grater next to me.  Working away at the coconut creates a space for conversation and connection. Topics range from the process itself and experiences with coconuts, to identity, culture, and heritage. Most people that sit down have never done the process before; I explain and teach the participant how to use the “authentic” tool as I use my hybrid one. In practice, the few participants who knew what the grater was and how to use it were Filipinos as well and we would talk about our heritage and relationships with family. Other participants noticed my queer coding which led to talk about the courage it takes to express our queerness.

In Shaving the Niyog, each element reflects aspects of my identity and celebrates my hybridity. I celebrate my mixed heritage of being Filipino-American and take pride in my transness and queerness. I see what it is like to not push away one aspect of my identity in the name of preserving the other. I no longer see myself in fractions but as a whole person and invite the viewer in as a participant of the shaving of the coconut, to join in conversation, and to celebrate in the joy of being a whole person.