Video & Performance
Tethered Self
2024
Throughout my life, I have struggled with conflicting aspects of my identity, creating an ongoing inner tension that has hindered my ability to fully accept myself. These internal battles formed a barrier to personal growth, leaving me disconnected from the truth of who I am. Yet, over time, I have learned to embrace my complexity and exist more freely as a multifaceted individual. My journey toward self-realization has been one of transformation, where I found peace in the ebb and flow of self-actualization.
In this video work, I explore the interplay of two layers of my being learning to coexist, representing the dichotomies I navigate daily—such as my experience of being both genderfluid and mixed race. I focus on the act of breathing, each inhalation and exhalation more deliberate and mindful, though hindered by the heavy, wet hood that covers my head. The labored breath becomes a metaphor for my own process of reconciliation, where control and stillness are essential to overcome panic. By meditating in the midst of this discomfort, I symbolize the quiet struggle and gradual harmony within myself.
Shaving the Niyog
2022
Medium: performance, video, installation, brass, coconut, painted rocking horse, casted aluminum bolo-tie, Filipino textiles.
As a trans, queer, Filipino-American man, I navigate the complexities of self-expression in a world that expects me to fit into predefined categories. At times, I feel disconnected from parts of my identity, struggling with feeling “not Filipino enough,” “not American enough,” or “not man enough” because of my transness. This performance explores these feelings and embodies my journey toward embracing the full spectrum of my identity.
The piece features a coconut grater I fabricated from brass, attached to a rocking horse, inspired by traditional Filipino tools. It symbolizes my Filipino heritage, blending the old and the new, the masculine and feminine. In contrast, an image of me as a child, joyfully riding a rocking horse in a dress, reflects my early confusion around gender. Today, my gender expression is symbolized by a cowboy outfit, referencing both American masculinity and queer culture, celebrating my reclaimed sense of self.
Throughout the performance, I invite participants to sit with me and use the coconut grater, sparking conversations about identity, culture, and heritage. The act of grating becomes a way to connect, share stories, and celebrate both Filipino heritage and queer expression.
Shaving the Niyog honors my hybridity, embracing my full identity without fragmentation. It’s an invitation for the viewer to join in, celebrate, and reclaim the joy of being a whole, unapologetically complex person.
Transending
2020
This video documents the changes I experienced during my first year of testosterone therapy as part of my gender-affirming medical care. The images of my face, captured a few months apart, show the subtle but significant shifts in my appearance. Likewise, my voice recordings illustrate the gradual deepening of my voice as I recite excerpts from Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass.
Overlayed with these visual and auditory transformations is a slowed-down video of me administering my first testosterone shot in my thigh, a moment marked by the support of friends who cheered me on. That day represents a pivotal milestone in my journey—one of radical self-love, empowerment, and embracing my authentic self.
Consume and spit out western standards
2021
From an early age, I struggled with the Western ideals of beauty, both in art and the body, as I never felt like I fit within these narrow standards. During my first years in undergrad, I created master copies, including a conte drawing of The Discus Thrower. This work was presented to me as the epitome of beauty and craftsmanship. However, I became frustrated because these images depicted white European bodies, and so did the artists. I found myself trying to align with this image, hoping that by replicating it, I could become like it.
Now, I take pride in the fact that I do not resemble the Discus Thrower—and I celebrate that I am not like the European Masters. Instead, I am proud to be a Filipino-American, transgender artist. In transforming my old drawing through the lens of my own body, I reclaim this image in its raw, authentic form. My work is an act of self-expression, embracing my identity and rejecting the limitations imposed by historical standards of beauty.